Inauspicious Beginnings

Dr. Laura is one big ball of hypocrisy from start to finish. She describes herself as a "licensed psychotherapist" (it's actually illegal in California to claim that you are a psychotherapist without a state license -- somebody call the cops!) "Dr." Laura allows her listeners to assume that she holds a doctorate in psychology -- but her PhD is in physiology, and I sort of doubt that a dissertation on "Effects Of Insulin On 3-0-Methyglucose Transport In Isolated Rat Adipocytes" qualifies her to provide relationship advice! "Dr." Laura does not have an advanced degree in counseling, psychology, social work, or anything else related to helping people in crisis -- she holds only a basic certification in Marriage, Family, and Child Counseling. She claims she spent 12 years in private practice before hitting the lecture circuit -- I pity her patients, if she treated them the way she does callers! Regardless of her early clinical experience, her MFCC has been inactive for years -- it's literally been decades since this woman had any real-world interaction with patients outside of her radio program (far from a proper "private-and-confidential" counseling environment). That's exactly who I want advising me on my marriage and child-rearing practices -- she should stick to rat fat!

Dr. Laura's own personal life leaves something to be desired, as well (she's certainly not a positive role model for how to run your own marriage!) Let me highlight a few inconsistencies between her background and supposed "beliefs":

• She was briefly wedded to a dentist named Michael Rudolph in her early 20's, but that ended in divorce just 2 years later -- now isn't Dr. Laura the one who says that nobody should divorce outside of an abusive relationship? Talk about practicing what you preach! However, I'm pretty sure simply being married to this nutball constituted mental and emotional abuse for her ex-husband...

• While trying to get her career off the ground, she had an affair with her radio mentor Bill Ballance in which she posed for a number of nude photos (how could he resist her in those cotton granny panties? the asterisk "pasties" are my addition...) Apparently, Dr. Laura was a proponent of sleeping your way to the top in radio, at least back in the day -- although now, she would condemn such immoral behavior (I guess sex outside of marriage only became taboo after she grabbed her top slot on the airwaves and didn't want competition from younger talk show hosts!)

• After she snubbed her ex-lover at a public event, he sold these pictures to the media in 1998. Of course, Dr. Laura initially denied that the photos were of her, but then went to court to gain control of the copyright for them (if you're going to be exposed, at least  figure out some way to profit!) She claims to have possessed "no moral authority" when the photos were taken, that her young age and a painful divorce forced her hand (although those photos look pretty voluntary to me) -- certainly any caller seeking guidance in a similar situation would unhesitatingly be labeled a "slut."
  

• In 1978, she met a man named Louis Bishop who was already married with several dependent children. They began an affair while he was still married (sin), Bishop left his wife (sin), and he moved in with Dr. Laura -- where the couple lived together, unmarried (another sin) and trying to get pregnant (big time out-of-wedlock sin!) After 8 years of living in -- you guessed it, sin -- Bishop divorced his wife and these two kooky lovebirds finally married. The man never had anything else to do with his kids and didn't even pay child-support until his ex took him to court. No big surprise that he became Dr. Laura's business manager.

• She was a self-proclaimed feminist in the 1970's, but says that the movement has changed and feminists now nauseate and sicken her -- I guess Dr. Laura was fine with the sexual revolution, but had a problem when Gloria Steinem suggested that feminism wasn't about spreading your legs for every guy who came along offering you a career boost!

• She had her only child when she was 38 years old and her radio show was really starting to take off. Dr. Laura continued to work full-time as he grew up -- on the air 5 days a week and often traveling for lectures while she left her minor-aged son and husband at home alone. At the same time, she lambasted those who dared to have both children and a career (or, God forbid, simply needed to work to support their families) -- but then again, I guess haranguing people about their morality isn't technically a "career," so she wasn't violating her own ethics.
  

• She recently suggested that she would like to take mothers who allow their teens to have plastic surgery "by the ankles and smack them against the wall" -- apparently, these kids need to wait until they are older and pay for all those face-lifts themselves, the way Dr. Laura did! She also said parents are sending a message "that 'synthetic you' is better" -- she ought to know, considering the amount of work she's had done on herself...
  

So, let's see if I have this straight. This woman had sex before marriage with several different men, has been divorced, was a homewrecker, cohabitated with someone sans the holy bonds of matrimony, and intentionally bore a child out of wedlock. And now, she is supposed to be America's moral compass? I think not! Dr. Laura's response is, "A hypocrite says, 'Do what I say, not what I do,' rather than, 'Do what I say, not what I did'." Nice save! I would be less critical of someone who had made mistakes, learned a lesson, then attempted to share some of their wisdom with others who were headed down the same misguided life path. Hell, that's the basis for most good self-help these days -- "see how I screwed up so you can avoid the same pitfalls." But that's not how Dr. Laura sells her services. She blatantly refuses to take responsibility for or talk about any of her past "sins" -- she insists that her life has always been a shining example for others to follow. I personally don't care if the woman screwed around or let her boyfriend take pictures of her decidedly unimpressive boobs when she was 28 -- but I do have a problem when she then criticizes others for the same behavior. Barbara Walters actually took Dr. Laura to task about this on "The View," after she questioned the journalist's morality regarding her own nude photos and affairs with married men -- go Babs!

Still Crazy After All These Years

Dr. Laura has always been conservative -- in the 90's, she converted to Orthodox Judaism and spent 5 years equating her morality with Talmudic morality on the air (a number of more tolerant Jews were happy to be disassociated with her when she renounced her religion in 2003!) But over the years, she Laura has steadily grown more and more extreme -- to the point that she has alienated a large number of listeners, sponsors, and affiliate radio stations. At her peak in 2002, she was heard on 471 channels across the country -- by 2003, that number had dropped to 275, and it continues to steadily slide downward. One cause of the decline is Dr. Laura's focus on political issues after the 9/11 terrorist attacks -- many stations decided that if they were going to air a right-wing reactionary political show, they would prefer either Glenn Beck's or Sean Hannity's higher ratings (that's got to be a kick in the teeth, being replaced by one of those two!)

However, Dr. Laura's stance on homosexuality and gay rights has done the most damage to her cause. Throughout her early career, she was very supportive of gay callers to her show -- she took issue with Christian religious leaders who opposed gay relationships, and said that it was cruel to deny love and happiness to same-sex couples. I'm not sure exactly what sort of head trauma she suffered in 1997, but Dr. Laura not only renounced this view -- she also decided it would be a good idea to launch an active campaign of insults and verbal abuse. She called homosexuality a "biological error," and compared LGBT parenting to pedophilia by suggesting that "a huge portion of the male homosexual populace is predatory on young boys" (a ridiculously offensive lie, even for a wacko like her!) She promoted "conversion therapy" and attacked the American Psychological Association for condemning this practice as harmful to patients and damaging to society. Then in 2000, when Dr. Laura was given a TV show -- a coalition of gay activists launched the StopDrLaura.com campaign, asking Paramount to cancel the program. While they worked their magic, she kept running her mouth -- and the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council ruled that her "consistent characterization of the sexual behavior of gays and lesbians as 'abnormal,' 'aberrant,' 'deviant,' 'disordered,' 'dysfunctional,' and 'an error' " constituted abusive discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and as such, were in violation of the human rights provision of its Code Of Ethics. Over 170 of her advertisers bolted, the ratings plummeted, and the show was canceled after just 6 months. Power to the people!

On an entirely separate note, her stint in television proved once and for all how far Dr. Laura will go to manipulate her audience -- lying and deceiving them in order to win them over to her point of view. The New York Post discovered that she had used a member of her staff more than once to falsely pose as a guest on the show. An early episode named "Readin', Writin', And Cheatin'" featured a so-called college student who specialized in professional note-taking. On the next day's show, "Getting To The Altar," the same guest appeared in different hair and makeup, and said she was a woman living with her boyfriend. In fact, the woman was San-D Duchas, a researcher for the show. Her name even appeared in the closing credits of the shows on which she posed as a guest. Makes you wonder how many of the callers on her radio program are phonies, as well...

A Response From A Listener

I actually tried to call Dr. Laura once in the 90's with a fake question to put her on the spot. I was going to tell her that my husband and I had decided not to have children, and had been very clear with our family about our decision -- but that some dear friends (a gay male couple) wanted a baby and I had agreed to be the surrogate mother. In my scenario, we were totally comfortable with our decision, but I wanted Dr. Laura's advice on how to approach my family about this in a way that wouldn't upset them or hurt their feelings (especially when they saw me pregnant with a child that I wasn't keeping). Alas, the screener said, "Well how can she tell you how to do that?" But if I had given  Dr. Laura a problem that allowed her to condemn my morals, question my decision-making powers, and crucify me for not living up to the scripture, that would have been okay!

However, I'm not the only listener who questions her "pick-and-choose" brand of morality, her overly-literal misunderstanding of the Old Testament, and her destructive concept of what "advice" means. At one point, Dr. Laura called homosexuality an abomination  (as stated in Leviticus 18:22), and said that it could not be condoned in any circumstance. I found a fantastic response from a listener, who sought her additional advice about keeping true to the Bible, and I just had to share it with you:

"Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread(cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging."

How Much Damage Is She Doing?

Anyone who reads my blogs knows that I am a fan of telling it like it is, cutting through the bull -- tough love and personal responsibility and all that. But this woman goes too damned far! There is a line between helping people to recognize ways in which they are screwing up their own lives and actively demoralizing them. As a Social Worker, Professional Organizer, and Accountability Coach, I can only say that her behavior with callers seeking help is irresponsible to the point of being unethical. Pointing out self-destructive habits is one thing, but insulting and disparaging someone who seeks your advice? Dr. Laura will tell you that she doesn't give advice -- "I preach, teach, and nag," is her claim. Actually, you browbeat, insult, and dominate. Much better!

Some of what Dr. Laura says does have a kernel of truth and common sense to it. I agree that you shouldn't have children if you aren't willing to commit fully to the responsibility and can't take care of them (funny that she's so disparaging of the child-free at the same time!) I agree that people need to stop whining and step up to the plate, taking responsibility for the messes they make in their own lives (unlike Dr. Laura). But here are just a few examples of how she has taken sensible thinking to an entirely unreasonable extreme:

• Dr. Laura places the blame for a cheating husband on the wife -- she obviously wasn't providing him the love, support, and sex he needed and she FORCED him to find affection outside of their marriage (however, the same doesn't apply when the woman commits adultery!)

• Dr. Laura suggests that couples who no longer wish to be married should stay together for the sake of the children, regardless of their own feelings -- when it has clearly been shown that children raised in a household filled with tension and resentment (as would be the case when two people want a divorce but can't have one) are going to grow up with psychological and relationship problems as a result. Good plan -- punish the kid for the parents' mistakes!
  

• Dr. Laura believes that mothers should focus every bit of their energy on raising children, at the expense of their careers (something she herself failed to do) -- even though it has been proven that women who achieve a measure of success and satisfaction outside of the home have a higher level of self-esteem and serve as more positive role models for their kids. At the same time, she gets onto stay-at-home moms who invest too much of their identity in their role as "parent." And then, regardless of the situation, you are an irresponsible enabler if you continue to assist an adult child that needs a little extra help. You can't win with this woman!
  

• Dr. Laura quickly dismisses the suggestion that both parents in a family need to work these days to make ends meet (just because that isn't the case in her family) -- effectively negating the life experiences of at least 75% of her callers who can't afford to stay home with their children.

• Dr. Laura has berated military wives who disagreed with extended tours of duty and the war in Iraq, women who wanted their husbands home, saying they were not grateful for the work their husbands were doing overseas. Apparently, military wives should not be allowed to speak.
  

• Dr. Laura actually advised a man named Adam NOT to give shelter to his sister, who was escaping an abusive relationship from a man who was a felon -- apparently, it was all her fault that he beat her, because she decided to "marry a really bad man, and to stay with him a really long time, and to make the situation very worse."
  

I'm not picking on her credentials as much as her approach. I don't believe that the woman has to possess an actual degree in psychology to offer counseling and advice. However, it would be nice if Dr. Laura actually listened to a caller's question -- maybe even trying to understand the nuances of the situation before passing judgment. And she also needs a little damned compassion and tolerance for those who don't mirror her own beliefs (I am so intolerant of the intolerant!) A perfect example is her attack on a Connecticut eighth-grader who wrote an award-wining essay about free speech on the internet -- Dr. Laura said, "If she was my daughter, I'd probably put her up for adoption. When she makes her marriage vows, and her husband has sex with someone else, let's see if she thinks that this philosophy works." She also suggested that the girl be sacrificed, Inca-style -- who says this about a child??? Why would you take advice from someone who felt anything so hateful?

It's actually pretty obvious, when you listen to her forgive men for every failing and blame their wives for all that's wrong in the world, that she's a staunch woman-basher (one of her favorite ways of interrupting a female caller with whom she disagrees is by saying the word, "Woman!" in a disparaging tone -- meaning, in Dr.-Laura-speak, "idiot!") Rather than inspiring and lifting her sisters up, giving them strength and encouragement to go out there and conquer the world, all Dr. Laura does is make people feel guilty and inadequate and wrong. And don't think that just because you are a stay-at-home mom, you will be treated any better than the rest of us -- she's the only perfect female out there, and she will invariably help you recognize some hidden way in which you are failing your kids, your husband, yourself, or the whole of humanity. Dr. Laura is the parenting-and-relationship version of Martha Stewart, breeding insecurity and self-doubt everywhere she goes, with her unrealistic and impractical expectations!

I am all for people seeking objective, third-party guidance when they can't seem to see the forest for the trees in their own lives (I wouldn't be a coach if I didn't!) But no normal, healthy person would ever ask this woman for her help. It's really sad to see how many people are desperate enough for advice that they are willing to bare their souls on her show -- as if being kicked around by someone on a flawed moral high-horse will somehow make your life better. These women have so little faith in their own abilities, intuition, and judgment, that they hand themselves right over to Dr. Laura. She preys on their weaknesses like a vampire that feeds on insecurity, rather than blood. And her screeners make sure that only the most pitiful and vulnerable calls get through. I swear, she's like an evil cult leader -- attracting lost souls, just so she can mentally and emotionally abuse them on air. I hope the woman gets a great deal of satisfaction from this power trip she's on -- because even though I'm an agnostic, I still firmly believe that she is going to hell!

Ramona Lays Down The Law

In my fascist state, Dr. Laura will be illegal -- period. Anyone caught being Dr. Laura will be tied to a post at a gay-liberal-feminist-rights rally and forced to listen to speeches for the rest of eternity.

A Blessing From Father George

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."