A System Of Classification

It always amuses me when someone asks "why" Matt and I decided not to have children -- I wonder what sort of reaction that same person would get if he or she asked the mom with a screaming toddler why she DID choose to reproduce! Most people don't recognize the implication behind the query -- that having a child is the "normal" decision and they wouldn't even think about questioning it, while my choice not to is somehow aberrant and must be justified. Some no-kidders out there start foaming at the mouth the minute they hear the "w-word" -- personally, I'm fairly easy-going, so I don't let it bother me. However, I do find it ironic that I'm expected to defend a perfectly valid personal decision in a way that someone who has kids is not. This just shows me that the choice to remain child-free is still viewed as unusual, left-of center, and outside-of-the-norm by a good majority of folks. People -- it's time to wake up and smell the birth control device!

Different people choose not to have children for different reasons -- it's not always a matter of hating kids. Some avoid reproducing for political and philosophical reasons, some because they are too busy focusing their attention on other projects, and some because they get enough enjoyment from other people's kids (and don't feel the need to own one themselves.) Check out this handy field guide and see which classification best suits you:

• population controller (these folks believe that, as long as we have people who are hungry and homeless roaming the earth, it's selfish and wrong to continue to create more humans -- why would we want to put an additional strain on our limited resources when we can't even take care of the people who are already here? -- these no-kidders see the way that overpopulation is destroying our planet, and they are doing their part balance out the damage being wrought by the Octamoms of the world!)
  

• too much love to give (some people love children so much that they can't ever imagine limiting the distribution of that affection to just one or two of their own kids -- so rather than becoming parents, they take jobs in child care or social services or pediatric medicine where they can come into contact with and be a positive influence on dozens of boys and girls each day -- these no-kidders just do better when they spread it around a bit!)
  

• having too much fun (many of us no-kidders have a hard time fitting a baby into our lives because we're just enjoying ourselves too much -- when you've got so many other activities to keep you busy, there's no "hole" that needs to be filled by a small, squalling infant -- and time that would otherwise be spent changing diapers is instead used to enjoy art and music and theater, good friends/food/wine, or travel and outdoor adventures)

• my work is my baby (everyone needs to feel as though he or she is giving back to society in some way -- while parents see their kids as a positive contribution, many no-kidders choose to focus their efforts on their work -- whether you are an artist or social worker, a business person or educator, a government employee or professional "volunteer," having the time and energy to really do your job well, without distractions, is a blessing)

• I have pets instead (cats and dogs are a staple of child-free living -- most no-kidders get everything they need in terms of love and affection from their hairy children, and never saw a reason to replace them with the human kind -- our pets are our kids, even better than kids since they cost less, will never ask for the car keys, don't have to be sent to college!)

• just never got around to it (while many of us have known since birth that we never wanted to give birth, other no-kidders had actually intended to become parents at one point or another -- they may have talked about it in vague terms, one of those "someday" plans meant for down the road, after finishing their degree or getting their new business off the ground or remodeling the house -- but there are always more goals to accomplish, and somehow the kid thing never rose to the top of the to-do list -- just not a priority, I guess)

• crazy Aunt Ramona (I have plenty of friends with kids, and I truly do enjoy visiting with them -- we play, I hang them upside down by their ankles and let them do all sorts of things their parents probably wouldn't allow -- we have tons of fun, they love spending time with me, and I get to achieve the honored status of "crazy Aunt Ramona" -- then, when they start acting up or I've had enough fun for one day, I give them back and go home to my cats!)

• kids should be outlawed (yes, there are no-kidders who flat-out dislike children, don't want to have anything to do with them, and would probably be happy to move to an entirely child-free state, if given the choice -- better yet, outlaw kids in restaurants, movie theaters, and live performances so they don't irritate those who aren't completely desensitized to their sounds and smells -- I only know a couple of folks like this, but it's always entertaining to watch them try and maneuver through a zoo or amusement park!)